I note with acute embarrassment your recent peevish and ill-considered complaints made to your supervisor regarding supposed difficulties with your present assignment. Your childish mewling is quite demeaning, yet this fails to stop you publicly lamenting your hard lot.
Well, foolish nephew, I am writing to you to say plainly that of course your patient will have difficult moments. Have I now “felt your pain”, dear boy?
Having uttered as much silly pop-psychology poppycock as I can manage, allow me to get to the point. For when I was your age, we tempters had to work 24×7 shifts with multiple patients and never gave it a second thought. How degenerate your generation has become! When will you grow up? Earning a living isn’t all fun and games, you dissipated demon! When will you and your friends ever come to the realise that life isn’t one long party toting pitchforks while tormenting roomfuls of shrieking souls?
In point of fact, young devils like you have never had it so good. What has become painfully clear is your ingratitude – despite all of your generation’s advantages. How I really do despair of today’s young tempters! Your supervisor tells me he receives from you an endless stream of complaints – but never once any acknowledgement that your successes (pitiful as they are) are the inevitable fruit of seeds sown by your elders over decades past.
Gay Marriage. Allow me to make my point: for it is my generation who worked hard to turn the largest western Protestant denominations into publicly supporting Gay Marriage and sodomite sex (a great joke against their church founders!). It was our efforts that trained modern ministers of religion who are so pliable that they vociferously propound every false doctrine we care to suggest (so incapable have they become to discerning Truth from Falsehood!)
Public Education. I might add – with becoming pride – that it is due to my generation that western Public Education now denigrates and denounces western culture, institutions, and history; substituting for the classics bowdlerised texts and works of revisionist writers that are as empty of facts as they are replete with politically-correct platitudes.
Mainstream Media. And whose generation was it who infiltrated global public newscasters and turned them into the effective propaganda machine they are today? (It always raises a laugh in hell when we hear their latest denunciations of “fake news”! With what brazen effrontery do these news-giants castigate all sources outside themselves!) It is no empty boast for me to say that we have recruited so many willing humans to distribute our propaganda material that our own PR department is becoming quite redundant.
Western Islam. Nor can I refrain from mentioning our latest signal success: badgering western governments into sponsoring and promoting Islam, to such an extent they pass laws to silence their citizens criticising Islam publicly! The West today is more intolerant and less open than during the Middle Ages! (How quick these humans forget history! Inveighing against religion was once a public freedom – now it is “hate speech”! Ha! Ha!)
If you have been paying attention, you cannot fail to realise that with so many of our schemes in play – after all your predecessors have done to smooth your path – you have nothing whatever to complain of. Indeed – nothing you have yet encountered with your patient is anything more than a trifling obstacle. Words fail me when I wonder whether your present generation is anything more than a pathetic bunch of second-rate, sniveling fiends.
Frankly, you need toughening up. Perhaps a spell of re-education on a remote, desert island inside a few wild pigs will do the trick? (Well, I would not go quite so far as all that: it is with a shudder I recall that most deplorable episode when the Enemy imprisoned some of our best field agents inside swine during their Galilean field assignment. What a fiasco!)
Anyhow, now that you have come up against your patient’s token resistance – what are you going to do? Just give up – when you still have so many options left to choose from? My dear boy – you have all the tools to hand to reclaim your patient’s attention and keep it fixed firmly upon temporal things. Modern social-media keeps humans glued to touch-screens all day long, everyday – leaving not a second’s attention to attend to whatever the Enemy might say. If you do you job properly, as you were trained to do, you will soon have your patient back in hand.
I have no time to listen to your bleating that “the playing field is stacked against you”, or how “the universe is so grossly unfair”, or how “the Enemy might do something at any moment”. Your protests are true – but irrelevant.
The real question is: are you to remain a spineless, carping, little fiend – or will you do your duty, stick to your patient through thick and thin, to at last escort him in triumph to our father’s house?
Having read all that I have penned, I am confident that you will make the correct decision.
Your affectionate uncle,