What if Jesus came back? – Water into Wine

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Water into Wine

If Jesus came back today, doing and saying what he did and said 20 centuries ago: how many religious church-goers would welcome Him with open arms, dropping everything to follow Him?

Do today’s church-goers really know the Jesus whom they claim to serve? Or do they worship an imaginary Jesus of their own fashioning as a comfortable substitute?

If Jesus came back today, I think the likely popular reaction would be the following…


[Anchor] Disturbing reports have come to light concerning the underground activities of the dangerous Jesus ben Joseph setting up an illegal still to distribute gratis alcohol to a large crowd of wedding guests, including underage children. Our reporter gives us the details.

[Reporter] Community groups are up in arms over the spiritualist pastor Mr Jesus providing home-brewed alcohol at unlicensed premises.

[Wedding guests in background] He turned barrels of water into wine! A miracle! Hallelujah!

[Police spokesman] We have this morning investigated reports of a large-scale unregistered brewing operation: an alleged unlicensed distillery. So far we have uncovered nothing to support the allegations: although it still remains to be satisfactorily explained how came such large quantities of alcohol to be smuggled clandestinely into the reception venue…

[Alcoholics Anonymous Spokesman] This guy Mr Jesus is totally irresponsible, encouraging unrestrained drunkenness and alcoholic excess…

[Local Doctor] We promote responsible drinking: one standard drink per hour, up to three times a day, and no more than three days a week…

[Wine expert] This wine stock was seized at the venue, being suspected contraband. I have been brought in to identify its likely provenance. (Fills wineglass and sips slowly.) It is a definitely a Merlot: quite a good one, in fact. Probably from the right bank district of Saint Emilion in Bordeaux. Grown in an alkaline soil. About 42 degrees latitude…

[Local government spokesman] All premises in the county serving alcohol must be registered and licensed. Alcohol storage containers must meet stringent safety standards…

[Local liquor-store owner] It’s disgraceful! This Mr Jesus undercutting us honest business owners trying our best to make a living… How can we compete with free liquor? I urge potential customers planning a party to come in and talk to us…

[Concerned parent] What message is Mr Jesus sending by giving away free alcohol to underage drinkers? We’re organising an online petition today asking for government action…

[Anchor] Authorities have subjected venue owners to onerous questioning. Remaining alcoholic stocks were confiscated awaiting the reports of the investigation. Coming up next, in sports news…

water into wine

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