What if Jesus came back? – Blind Leaders of the Blind

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Blind Leaders of the Blind

If Jesus came back today, doing and saying what he did and said 20 centuries ago: how many religious church-goers would welcome Him with open arms, dropping everything to follow Him?

Do today’s church-goers really know the Jesus whom they claim to serve? Or do they worship an imaginary Jesus of their own fashioning as a comfortable substitute?

If Jesus came back today, I think the likely popular reaction would be the following…


[Anchor] In breaking news, an itinerant, maverick preacher calling himself Jesus ben Joseph, has caused controversy and outrage by publicly denouncing and abusing leaders of the nation’s largest church denominations. Church legal experts are examining recorded statements to determine whether they can file suit for libel. We pass over to our reporter for more details.

[Reporter] Jesus ben Joseph has again sparked public outrage by labeling prominent church leaders as “Blind leaders of the blind” and “Whitewashed tombs – filled inside with putrid corpses and rotten bones.” These insults have been identified as “malicious slander”, “scandalous” and “hateful” by news commentators around the country. Church and community leaders have struck back, today releasing public statements calling on the public for support, and demanding authorities take action.

[Bishop] Mr Jesus is conducting a defamatory smear-campaign. I ask your viewers, just how they would feel being called “putrefying corpses”? Shameful – utterly despicable! This upstart Jesus fellow must answer for his derogatory misconduct… I can assure every one of our parishioners that this vigilante will be peremptorily barred henceforth from our churches – and anyone seeing this criminal attempting to enter church premises should bar the doors immediately and contact police…

[Disabilities Spokesman] Mr Jesus’ infamous and odious name-calling denigrates blind people – and indeed, all people with a disability. How dare Mr Jesus malign our visually-challenged population by using the word “blind” as an insult! We demand Mr Jesus publicly apologise for such scandal-mongering statements! This dangerous man must be silenced!

[Funeral Director] Mr Jesus has abused our professional conduct and high community standards by suggesting that funeral arrangements contain “rotting bones”. I say emphatically that our mortuary processes contain nothing of the kind: in fact, we take the very highest care of all defunct bodies: we have never had a single “putrid” or “rotting corpse” anywhere on our premises. Cadavers are refrigerated to prevent premature deterioration, before being returned to family members for whatever their preferred funerary arrangements…

[Reporter] When Civil Liberties advocates pushed back, arguing that Free Speech protections apply even to Mr Jesus, their arguments evoked public disgust, stirring a twitter-storm of protest.

[Anchor] We contacted the authorities about these latest incidents – but they refuse to comment publicly on cases under current investigation. Inside sources can tell us that the FBI is looking into the case: but their PR representatives refuse to confirm or deny what actions – if any – they are considering. In other news…

blind following blind

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