My dear fellow parishioners: welcome to our weekly prayer meeting.
Tonight we remember in our prayers Jill Citizen – who has made considerable progress in abandoning heroine for softer drugs. Although she still beats her children too frequently, her current sexual partner is sometimes able restrain her in time.
Jane Nemo has now only one sexual partner – a vast improvement.
We remember also dear Joe Sixpack – whose binge-drinking leaves him incapable of working most days.
Also little Johnny – who is back in court for shoplifting and other counts of petty larceny. I’m sure there is no truth at all in the speculations that his older brothers were behind the recent spate of robberies in this suburb. Besides – they have only just got out of prison for motor-theft…
As always, please remember that we mention these things as prayer-points in the strictest confidence. Do not SMS these prayer-points to more than a dozen persons at a time, or the information might take on a life of its own. Mention them only to your closest friends in person, by email, or your own personal Facebook page.
Let us now bow our heads in prayer…
Very amusing. But the lesson is too obvious…
Foolish little devil! How much you have still to learn!
Have you not observed that – by our unsparing efforts – the minister has replaced his prayers with exchanging salacious gossip under a specious pretense? Do you think such things are brought about in a day? This is not just another example of mere gossip: this is art!
See – in that corner – that pompous braggart busily correcting his companion? Reproving him for using the “wrong words” in his prayers! Ha! Ha! What better means is there than this to undermine what might otherwise turn into a dangerous agreement between praying believers?
Now – observe the old women of both sexes over there. None of them will pray so much as a single word all evening: they are far too busy catching up on who-is-now-divorced and who-is-sleeping-with-whom and so on. That is the mark of a prayer-meeting where we have things well in hand.
When you are able to lay claim to such results in your turn – and a devilish business it is – only then will you be a true master of the art of undermining a prayer-meeting…